Today, I dropped the bomb on my mother who I find out is actually having eye surgery next month (Hopefully, everything goes well without any hiccups). But I informed her that I had applied for a job in Korea that can last up to 3 years and that I had contacted my adoption agency to get in contact with my birth mother. I know… a lot of stress for her and now she’s worried as mothers do. She knows that I have a pretty stable job with career progression and I actually like my supervisor and majority of the people in my department. The job keeps me fairly motivated and can challenge me when we encounter new projects. But lately, it has been really haunting me on what I really want to do with my life right now. I don’t want to be here in the same location anymore. I want to travel and explore and live somewhere else. I want to get back in touch with my creative side again and create stuff like costumes or continue developing my drawing skills in which I chose to have come to a halt. Right now, the other thing that interests me is developing my Korean language skills to get by in Korea when I go visit and if I do move there.
But what if I get the job and end up not liking it? What if I end up not liking Korea? What if I can’t find my birth family? Etc. and etc. Most of these worries come from my mother and leads to the theme for today’s post which is the “leap of faith”. You will never know the outcome unless you go down that route. It could be good or it could be bad or it could be both. I truly believe that things are most valued when you’ve put in the work to earn it and that path to success isn’t always smooth. I am 30 years old right now. I’m still young and have no attachments (not that I know of) except maybe a mortgage and a family that lives near here. But there’s so many things that I want to do in which I feel have been missing from my life and I don’t want to wait on it. I’ve witnessed too many times with people who have regret because they never took that “leap of faith” on an opportunity. I’ve seen people always push back what they wanted to do and then “life happens” with unexpected circumstances arise. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be “an old man filled with regret, waiting to die alone.”
You never know what you might find. I could end up liking the job and move to Korea permanently. I could end up meeting the love of my life and settle down there. I could end up being more successful there than I ever could have been in the states. I’d rather take the leap instead of not finding out what could be in store for me. At least I will know for myself. This reminds me of the time when I took an art theory class and the whole time, we were focused on what beauty really is. As discussed in class, beauty is defined as the falling into something like when you fall in love. I believe that the leap of faith and beauty are the same. In both concepts, you don’t know if something will turn out the way that you expect it to but there’s that feeling that motivates you and makes you feel alive to want to keep going to see how it all pans out. You may not be sure it’s truly everlasting but it feels new and you believe in it because you’re passionate about it but scared at the same time.